What Have I Got to Lose?

It has been months since I made any soap.  I guess I could say that I lost track of the time or that other priorities have taken place in my life.  The truth dawned on me last weekend.  Simply put, I have lost my nerve.  Since the end of last year, a few things occurred at work (AKA my non-soapy job) including a large scale restructure which resulted in 217 people being made redundant.  Although I kept my job, it has unsettled me, and I wonder how much longer before I too become redundant.  Until now I hadn't realised how much it had impacted on my life.  I know I have been keeping my head down and grateful that I have not lost my job but afraid to take risks (not reckless).  The redundancies have had a spillover effect into my home life and hobbies / interests.

For so long now, I have been making just honey and oatmeal soap.  Don't get me wrong; I love my honey and oatmeal soap but after awhile my soapmaking feels bland.

Last weekend I forced myself to get back in the saddle after many months of feeling 'lost'.  I felt extremely anxious about making soap and challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone by trying new techniques and blends.

Challenge 1: Drop swirl design using Brazilian purple clay and French green clay as colourants.  Scented, with a blend of lavender, spearmint and vanilla followed by a sprinkling of dried heather on top.

Challenge 2: A blend of sweet and valencia orange and patchouli for that hippy feeling mixed into a batch if soap coloured with activated charcoal and paprika.  Decorated on top with a feathered pattern.

Beautiful pattern on top moments before the clingwrap
 saga coloured with activated  charcoal and paprika.

I actually had panic attacks and many bouts of tears about what could go wrong and made mistakes because of my nerves.

Batch 1 - I forgot to add salt to harden my bars, and I didn't think to blend some water with the clay initially to break up clumps.  The portions of batter that were mixed with the clay started to become a thick trace quicker than the uncoloured batter.  I'm not sure if it was because of the clay or because I only poured my essential oil blend into these portions of the batter.  The drop swirl became more of a plop swirl.

Batch 2 - Forgot to add the Vitamin E.  Placed clingwrap over the loaf mould after making a pretty feathered pattern on top, only to watch the wrap sag and destroy the pattern.

I'm really not sure how these are going to turn out but I feel more relaxed now.